Ghost Love Score
by phayte1978
Summary: This is the story of how Yuri and Otabek love each other, in life and death.


Time moved differently when you were dead. You could blink and a day was gone. Turn around and it was a week later. Yuri would never get use to this. Time meant nothing to him anymore, where everything was always minutes, hours, days... there was no need for that, no want for it.

He checked on his grandpa. Grandpa was sad, but he was used to losing people. It took him a long time to get over Yuri, and he said it was the hardest thing he had ever done. Burying his grandson— worse than his wife, his own daughter; _it was not fair_. Grandpa did not need to outlive them all.

Grandpa also never made piroshki again.

* * *

It was weird how things happened. One moment you were living life, riding through the stifling hot air of the deep summer, twisting and turning on the climb up a mountain- before it all went black. There was screaming, metal sliding, bones crushing with a blinding pain, a pain that left as soon as it started.

Yuri was neither here nor there. There was no way to explain it. Sometimes he blinked and it was all white around him. _Nothing_. Pure nothing.

" _Well, isn't this fucking grand?"_ Yuri said out loud. He did not know if this was his head _thinking_ or his mouth _speaking_. There was no sound, not smell, only white. Confusion was a feeling he knew he should feel, but Yuri felt nothing.

Just pure emptiness.

* * *

Fuck, Yuri loved Otabek so much. More than anyone in the world. Otabek was a God to him. All leather and cool. Casual and refined. Dangerous but gentle. It was hard to find someone like this, and Yuri had. He treasured it, never took a moment for granted.

Otabek was the only person Yuri could truly be himself with. He never had to hide his anger, or his smiles. After some time, Yuri always just smiled when he was with Otabek. They brought out the best in one another- the missing piece to their puzzle. They fit; they worked; to them it was _perfect_.

Sometimes when you are gone there are regrets. All the _should haves, would haves,_ or _could haves._ No, not with Otabek. He had done it all. They loved and they fought. They skated and they played. They talked and they spoke in silence.

He only wished he had _more time._

* * *

Otabek was still beautiful. Even with the scar that led down the side of his face. From his forehead to his jaw. His shoulder would never be the same again, neither would his heart. He lost his heart that day on the mountain. His golden heart- his Yuri.

If Otabek was expressionless before, it was even more so now. Friends came by and spent time with him, did everything they could for him. Otabek just existed. There was no reason for existence, no point.

"Seriously, Beks," Jean-Jacques said, "Come back with me and Bella. You can stay with us as long as you need too. Hell forever even!"

As much as Yuri still did not like Jean-Jacques, he had to appreciate him being there for Otabek. There were a lot of people there for Otabek. Not that Otabek ever noticed. He sat at a chair by the window and nursed a bottle of whiskey.

"Let me pack you a bag, ok?" Jean-Jacques offered.

All Otabek did was nod his head and sip from his bottle. Yuri put his hand on Jean-Jacques shoulder. He watched him shiver then go to Otabek's room to pack.

* * *

The fade was a funny thing. Yuri never knew where he would end up.

He was with the Nikiforov family, watching little ones run around the floor as Victor and Yuuri scrambled behind them, making sure they did not get hurt. Why would anyone adopt twins? Yuri had to shake his head. _So typical of them_.

They had pictures all over the house of the twins. Yuri stopped when he saw his picture, along with the others on the mantel. It was all three of them at the beach, a rare smile Yuri shared from Katsuki getting a headache from eating ice cream too fast. He remembered how warm the sun was, and the way his skin burned. He also remembered how much he laughed.

They had named their children after him. Maybe him and Otabek would have adopted children. Maybe they would have grown old and waited on a front porch, sipping lemonade for their grown children to come visit.

So many _'what_ _ifs'_ , and ' _what could have beens'_.

They looked happy. He liked seeing people happy. At night he was still there. Odd he had not faded out. Odd how the twins would coo and giggle at him in their shared crib. Yuri swore they were reaching out to him and as he placed his hand in the crib, one of them _grabbed_ his finger.

There was something pure about little ones. Something untainted, and Yuri only wished the best for the Nikiforov brats. Leaning over he kissed their foreheads and told them to go to sleep and be good for their dads. A final giggle and little eyes closed as Yuri stood there, watching them sleep.

Going to Victor and Yuuri's room, he saw them sleeping soundly. Limbs tangled as they snored softly. They held hands in their sleep.

" _Keep watch over my Beka_ ," Yuri said as he laid a hand on Victor's shoulder. There was a shudder through Victor's body as he hugged Yuuri tighter.

* * *

Why was Victor fighting with Otabek? _How long had it been this time_? Yuri hated this part more than anything. The _fade_. He would fade out and then blink—weeks had gone by.

"You can't keep doing this Otabek!" Victor screamed.

"Why the fuck do you care?" Otabek asked.

"Do you think Yuri wanted this?"

"Yuri is dead! DEAD, Victor! Yuri doesn't want anything!" Otabek screamed as he slammed a glass against the wall.

"So you choose to honor his memory drinking and not skating? Going out bike riding and trying to kill yourself?" Victor said.

"What does it even matter to you?" Otabek asked Victor as he stumbled around his apartment, "Even if I did manage to kill myself, I'd finally be with him again. Is that such a bad thing?"

"Oh, so that is what it is? You are going to live in pity for yourself? Mourn over Yuri til your dying day? Oh, how dramatic!" Victor said. Yuri thought that was rich coming Victor- but he knew Victor was being a _friend_. A friend doing what he _could not do._ Victor stepped forward and grabbed Otabek's arm, pulled up the sleeve and that is when Yuri saw it, a bright red scar on the inside of his forearm.

Otabek jerked his arm back and pushed Victor. "You have no idea what this is like! You still have your Yuuri!" Otabek screamed.

"You have to stop blaming yourself! This was _not_ your fault! Yuri died, not you," Victor said.

That was when Otabek launched at Victor, screaming, clawing at his face. Victor fought back and easily had Otabek pinned to the ground, holding him still.

"It has been a year! We all loved him dammit! We still do!" Victor spit out before standing up walking to the door. "If you do plan to actually kill yourself… Don't tarnish Yuri's name and say you did it for him."

With that Victor slammed the door and left. Yuri watched as Otabek stayed on the flood, hands over his face, sobbing.

Yuri laid next to Otabek, held him the best he could. _He still smelled the same._ If only Otabek could feel him, know he was there, he was always there. Yuri would never leave him. He wrapped his arms around the shaking body on the floor and felt his body _merge_ with Otabek's. A silence and stillness came over Otabek.

"Yura?"

* * *

Otabek was asleep. Yuri had done this before. He had _merged_ with Otabek, and Otabek could _feel_ him. He just _knew_ it. Laying on the bed next to Otabek, _their_ bed, Yuri cupped Otabek's face in his hands and kissed him. Allowing his body to sink, he _merged_.

"You are more beautiful than I remember," Otabek said, touching his face.

Yuri leaned into it. He could feel him, _his Otabek_.

"How… Yura, how is this possible?" Otabek stammered out.

Yuri shook his head. "You're dreaming… I am not sure how I did this, but I've never left you, Beka."

Tears sprung in Otabek's eyes as he grabbed Yuri, holding him tightly.

"Beka, I promise… I'm ok," Yuri said, holding onto Otabek as hard as he could.

"It is my fault," Otabek whispered.

"No, it is not. You could not have helped what happened," Yuri said.

"NO! You are gone because of ME!" Otabek screamed out.

Yuri held him tighter. How could explain this was all planned out; they could not run from their fate, their lives, or lack thereof. There was no fault; there was no blame. This is what was meant to be.

"No, Beka, this was always planned. This was going to happen regardless what you or I did. I can't… I can't explain it, I just know it," Yuri said.

"Let me join you, Please Yuri." The strain in Otabek's voice tore at him.

"No."

"I can't keep living like this!" Otabek let him go and screamed now. His beautiful scarred face twisting in agony as he fell to his knees, wrapping his arms around Yuri, holding him tightly.

Yuri had never seen these emotions on Otabek before. He was always so collected, so expressionless. At this moment, he watched so many emotions wreck his poor, small body and it twisted everything in Yuri.

"Beka, I will be here when your time comes, I promise." Yuri knelt down and held Otabek tightly. "I need you to be strong for me dammit. I need you to fucking live."

"How dare you," Otabek growled as he pulled away.

This was all going wrong. Yuri did not know when he would get this opportunity again and he grabbed Otabek, holding him closely.

"Beka, let's not fight. I love you. Please… just hold me. I don't know how long I have," Yuri said.

Everything faded as Otabek's arms wrapped around his waist. There was wind in his hair and hot air in his lungs. They were on the bike again, in the mountain. Yuri gasped— he knew what was happening.

 _No! No! No!_

Yuri wanted back where they were, but right now he was in Otabek's mind, being led wherever it wandered. Yuri held onto Otabek, again- and waited.

* * *

"God dammit! I am not fucking crazy!" Otabek screamed.

"Beks, seriously. You had a dream, that was all," Yuuri said as he rubbed his arm. Otabek flinched away from the touch. "Look, the twins will wake soon from their nap. They have missed their uncle."

"Then explain to me why the twins keep drawing pictures of him?" Otabek asked and pointed to the icebox that had all colorful drawing. As Yuri looked at the pictures, a tall, slim blond figure was always in them.

Yuuri sighed. "We have pictures of him around the house."

"That's bullshit and you know it," Otabek growled.

Yuri loved watching Otabek with the twins. It was the only time Otabek smiled these days. They would giggle and point. Otabek would look off to where they pointed. Yuri knew, they pointed at him.

" _Oh, Beka. We would have been amazing fucking parents,"_ Yuri said. One of the twins giggled and covered their mouths. Could they hear him? Yuri had to wonder. He figured he had better watch his language.

They were still so young and innocent.

* * *

 _How long had it been this time?_ If Otabek would ever change a fucking calendar in his flat, he might know. No, Otabek kept the same calendar on the same month when _it_ happened.

There was moaning. _Curious_. Had Otabek finally moved on? Did he find the happiness he deserved? Yuri could only hope. He loved Otabek so much, he only wanted him happy and since he could not be there for him, he hoped another would.

The moan happened again, Yuri almost wished he would fade out again, but he was going nowhere.

Otabek was older now, not by much, but the redness of his scar was gone; it was pale and a part of him now. He was laid out on _their_ bed, moaning.

 _"Oh, Beka, you are still so beautiful,"_ Yuri said as he laid on the bed. He wondered if he could do it again. If he could _merge._

"Yura," the moan said again.

 _"I'm here!"_ Yuri said as his body joined with Otabek's. He had never done this when Otabek was awake. He allowed his spirit to wrap around Otabek and become one with him. He could feel everything Otabek felt. It was overwhelming and consuming.

He even knew when Otabek's eyes snapped open and screamed his name.

" _Beka!_ " Yuri screamed out.

Otabek stopped and grabbed his head. Clutching at his ears.

" _Oh, sorry,"_ Yuri said quieter.

"Yura? How?" Otabek breathed out.

Yuri felt everything: the rapid heartbeat, the hard breath, the tears forming in his eyes.

" _I don't know. Just please, don't stop,"_ Yuri begged.

Otabek continued, and he called out Yuri's name before Yuri faded again.

* * *

Time was further and further apart. The twins were off to college. Victor and Yuuri were _old_. Hell everyone was old.

Otabek was still beautiful. His face hardened over the years. The drinking and smoking aging him more so than it should have. He was there when the twins left for college. He also watched them walk across a stage and accept their degrees.

Otabek may not have lived the life Yuri wanted him too, but he lived other people's lives. He bounced between the Nikiforovs' and the Leroys'. Children hanging off of him til his knees got too bad.

Otabek always talked to Yuri. Every night. Almost like a prayer before bedtime. His hair was more gray than black now; he grew a short beard to cover the scar- Yuri had to chuckle. The scar was so _badass_.

" _I'm still here for you,"_ Yuri said to Otabek before he faded again.

* * *

The air was hot, stifling. Yuri could barely breathe. _Breathe_. When _was_ the last time Yuri had actually breathed? It was summer and the sun was _hot_. Just like that fateful day… sixty-three years ago.

That was when Yuri saw him, sitting on a bench, under a tree. Yuri had no idea where he was. He just _knew_ Otabek would be there.

How was he still so beautiful? Even in his old age, his hair almost gone, his body hunched over, joints bent at the fingers, and nearly blind.

" _Oh, Beka,"_ Yuri said. He felt emotion. He felt his heart break. Otabek had lived a long life. He grew to be an old man, an old man _without_ him. Yuri felt the pang in his heart as he stood there, looking down at _his Beka._ " _How are you still so beautiful?"_

Otabek's head tilted up. For the first time that Yuri could remember, tears filled his eyes. Otabek was _looking at him_.

"Yura," Otabek asked, "have you finally come for me?"

Yuri could not speak. He covered his mouth with his hands and nodded his head.

"Oh thank fucking Christ." Otabek sighed and sat back.

That was when it happened. Otabek stood. Not the old man sitting on the bench. No, this was _his Beka._ No scar, twenty-one years old, leather jacket, skin tight jeans, boots and glasses.

"Beka?" Yuri breathed.

"Yura." Otabek smirked at him.

Launching forward, Yuri could _feel_ Otabek. He smelt the leather; he smelt the aftershave; he felt the gel in his hair.

"Let's go home, Yura," Otabek said as he kissed him. "I've waited too fucking long."


End file.
